By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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