Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
