i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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