There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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