it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
