her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
