you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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