She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
