You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
