It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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