I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
