do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
