Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
