Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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