I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
