question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
not ubering you a puppy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
