That's when you crack a 10am beer
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
