Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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