It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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