I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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