Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize