I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
