...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize