So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
