In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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