rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
