On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
