You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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