Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm getting married
To pizza
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
