How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
