My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Did you just see the Batmobile???
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
