Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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