it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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