Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
