u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
