Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You can't motorboat a personality
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
