end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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