and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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