Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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