so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
