You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
