This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
