The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
