i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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