I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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