thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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