There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
