Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
