There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
