This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
