i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just pee around me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
