Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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