brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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