Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The air was thick with penises
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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