we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
