Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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