omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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