I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
