He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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