Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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