Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
