And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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