he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
