I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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