Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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