So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
