I think im going to throw up on grandma
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
