I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize