just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
