Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
