Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
