but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
