we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My ass is underappreciated
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
