so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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