I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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